Puberty Toolkit

Maybe you noticed it first. Your child leaned in for a hug, and there was a smell that definitely wasn't there last year.

Maybe they asked. Hair "down there", or why their chest is sore, or what a period actually is.

Or maybe nobody's said anything at all. School's doing puberty next term and you thought, right, I should get in first.

However you got here, the question's the same: what do they actually need to know?

That's what the Puberty Toolkit is for. It's built around my Puberty Talk Roadmap, the four parts of teaching puberty, so you don't have to work out where to start. The toolkit does that, then gives you the words and a way to bring it up.

Because knowing why a body changes doesn't tell a child what to do about it. Understanding sweat is one thing. Remembering deodorant, every single day, is another. This covers both.

Here's what's inside

You won't need all of this at once. Most parents open the one tool that fits what's happening today, get what they need, and go.

Four tools work in order: what to talk about now → how puberty works → what this change is → what to teach them to do.

STARTING POINT
Work out what to talk about now, and what can wait.
Tell it your child's age and tick what's changing, because age alone never tells you where they're up to. You get a plan: what to talk about now, what to get ahead of, and anything worth a doctor visit.

PUBERTY GUIDE
Understand puberty before you explain it.
Puberty school for parents: how it works, why the timing varies so much, and when something's worth checking with a health professional. The bigger picture, rather than one thing looked up.

CHANGE EXPLORER
Look up the change that's happening.
From body hair and sweat to periods, erections and wet dreams. What's happening, what varies, what your child needs to know, and ideas for bringing it up.

SELF-CARE BUILDER
Teach them what to actually do about it.
From washing and deodorant to period products, wet dreams and school camp. What to explain, demonstrate and practise, and where your child will still need you.

And if they ask first:

PUBERTY Q&A
Answer the question they've just asked.
Search or browse the questions children ask about puberty, or practise them first, so you're not caught off guard.

🔒Nothing you type into any of the tools is stored or sent anywhere.

You'll also find a few extra tools tucked in, for when it's something other than the information that's in the way. The Fear Buster for when worry or doubt is making you hesitate, the Troubleshooter for when it didn't go the way you expected (they went quiet or walked off, or you froze, rambled or got something wrong), and the Neuro Adapter for adapting how you teach it, from the talking right through to everyday self-care. They're there when you want them.

Prefer it on paper? My complete Parents' Guide to Puberty is included as a printable. It covers the same subject as the tools, written to be read end to end rather than looked up. Handy if you'd rather read ahead, or keep it on the shelf.

You'll say less than you think

Most of us are braced for The Big Talk, because that's what we got. One sit-down, everything at once, never mentioned again. A hand-me-down nobody wants.

Talking about puberty works better in small pieces, a bit at a time as things come up. And you don't have to work out which bit is next. That's what the toolkit is for.

It also means your child hears about a change before it happens. And a change is far less frightening when a child knows it is coming.

What changes

You don't have to be a walking encyclopaedia. You just have to know what your child needs right now.

• You look up what's happening to their body, instead of hoping you remember enough from school
• You tell them about periods or wet dreams before they happen, not after the fright
• You teach them to use deodorant, instead of nagging about the smell
• Your child hears it from you first, instead of from Google or the playground

A child who's prepared for puberty isn't scared of it, and a child who isn't scared starts asking.

Which sounds like the last thing you want. It isn't. Their questions tell you exactly what they need, which is far easier than guessing what to raise. Your job gets smaller, not bigger.

That's an askable parent.

Who it's for

Puberty here is organised by body, not gender, so you look up the change your child's body is actually going through. It works for every child, including those who are intersex, transgender or non-binary. Just the science of how bodies develop.

For neurodivergent families, whether that's your child, you, or both, there's guidance on explaining things more literally, in smaller pieces, or with more time, plus help with the sensory side: blood, discharge, sweat, deodorant, bras, pads, showers. The facts stay the same.

If puberty has already started and you've never said a word, you're not too late. Start from where they are today.

About Cath

I'm Cath Hakanson, a nurse, midwife, sexologist and family sex educator with more than 30 years of experience. A lot of those years went on puberty: first periods, bodies not doing what the books said, and parents who mostly wanted to know whether it was all fine.

I'm also a parent who's had to find these words at my own kitchen table. I'm an autistic ADHDer, raising neurodivergent kids of my own. That combination shapes the way I teach: clear, practical, direct, and focused on the child in front of you.

No judgement. Just practical help with what to say next.

What this doesn't cover

Each of my toolkits does one topic properly, rather than a bit of everything. This one is puberty: the body changes, and the practical skills that come with them.

If what you need is explaining sex or talking about masturbation, there's a toolkit for each of those.

It isn't medical advice either. It'll help you work out when something's worth a GP visit, but it won't tell you what's going on with your particular child. 

Know what to say, before their body says it first.

Get instant access to the Puberty Toolkit, and get ahead of the changes coming your child's way.

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